Why should I care?

wow. I never knew a graduation ceremony could be so galling. To just watch it, it made me want to cry, or just leave. Why is it so bitter? I should love the grad. I have every reason to. And I sit there with anger, with bitterness, with regret at my stupid stupid choice.

The decision was made at step one. But I'd already stumbled after the second step. I still kept walking, but it's not enough is it? It's still not enough. If I had known this, maybe I could have let it go. But who's to know?

And now, I just stare at my decision, scoffing at it, jabbing it and criticizing every single aspect of it. All because of that single stumble. And I never knew.

I'm not going emo. I'm just.

exceedingly frustrated with my utter stupidity. My utter ignorance. What a waste. At least this year wasn't so bad.

Maybe, maybe not then. But who cares?

It's over, and one of my greatest goals with it. But who should care?

My family celebrates it, and my teachers don't seem to care too much either.

So why should I?

After all, it's only a stupid thing.

I won't remember it in twenty years.

It's pointless. It's not necessary.

OH. and my personal favorite:

"Your worrying too much about the past, Eric" (My Mom).

And she wonders why I snapped at her.


So why should I care? Does it matter? Should I value such a "pointless" thing? Even after I almost drained myself physically and emotionally to try for it?

Sure, I've "earned" it. But sometimes, de juro is better than de facto. but seriously, why should I care?

It's only a pointless little thing. No one cares about it. I was suprised no one noticed. But that's ok. No one should. or would have.

And so I'll just keep clapping, and putting on that smile. It doesn't matter right?






Why should I care?