-sigh-
how can it be Graduation day, and yet how can I be so bitter? so regretful? Unsatisified? Disappointed?
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm supposed to be happy, to be bouncing around on the last day and being gay w/ mai homies.... but I duno.
It's kinda sad. Three years wasted doing that. Completely. I'm just... regretful now. was it worth it? Probably not they say. Why'd you do it Eric? they ask, and I just run home to cry where no one can see.
It doesn't matter, so they say, and it's not important to the big picture. Oh, ok. sure. whatever, now leave me be, where I can disappear and cry my hurts in long sleepless nights to come.
to be bitter, because I couldn't enjoy the one thing I've been looking forward to all year. To take care of business. To stay on task.
Let me ask. At what point is self sacrifice not worth it? Or is it unlimited? At what point is it good to call enough enough?
But they'll say I didn't do enough.
So they say.
Oh no! Eric has decided to keep Jimmy talking! You:
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
So they say.
Posted by A Friend of Jimmy's at 10:03 PM
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5 comments:
ERIC.
are u saying
u regret what u did in middle school?
cuz that's something thats rly rly hard to do.
its so much to consider.
u cant say u regret it all.
sure, there were bad times.
but those are times to think about.
to consider.
and then to learn lessons from.
and this is middle school.
grades dont count 0=]
use those lessons u learned
apply it to high school
[gah im starting to sound like an azn parent xox oh the horror]
but rly.
learn!
and theres the good times.
HOW COULD U FORGET IT ALL?
BEING GAY?
BEING NERD?
BEING HILARIOUS
how can u forget it.
DONT REGRET HAVING FUN!
=DD
so there are always some things we want to change.
the past is the past.
enjoy what u enjoy
=]
Er.
-patpat-
What did you do? Or not do?
I'm confused...
Not to say all 8th graders enjoy graduation..
i'm not going to be bouncing around on the last day.
that's for people with no social life or care not about the fact that friendships dissolve as high school disperses us all. slowly, from middle school. to high school. to college. and then beyond as life in general. we all slowly drift from each other.
isn't that what graduation is? a milestone. a tremendous change in your life, a signal of entrance into a more mature environement. a time for you to reflect on the times you've had, to bring with you the good memories and to learn from and then leave behind the rest
graduation.
is that not something we all should be bitter or disappointed about?
oh that.
they say not was it worth it, because they know that even if its not, it's too late to change it.
you didn't sacrifice yourself enough? for what cause?
you don't sacrifice anything for any cause. at what point is self sacrifice worth it?
and being on task
gee i think you've got to be the least procrastinating of everyone i know. except maybe katie. perfect. =]
why then, do you regret middle school? does it matter now? can you change it? no
so if you'll stop thinking you're a selfish b**** who doesn't give up enough of himself then you can get on with your life.
and if you think you've been off task for a good three years, you've got the rest of your life to fix it.
so cheer up, no regrets.
I don't regret middle school.
graduation is a time of change. its like a stage in your life. there's elementary, then middle, and high school and college and then the rest of your life is divided up differently from person to person, depending on jobs and kids and retirement...
but at every turning point in your life, you look back on that part; its not even the whole thing, just a small sample of it, and you wonder...
about whether it was RIGHT. whether everything you did was GOOD. whether you made the RIGHT choices. if it was all WORTH IT.
sometimes the answer is no.
sometimes the answer is yes.
sometimes you're not the one who actually asks the question.
there are certain people who care about you. these people really want the best for you. their only problem is that they don't know how to do it. so they do it the only way they can. they'll push you, try to bring out the best in you, because they really do care. does it work? not always.
but their subject undergoes a series of stressful circumstances. perhaps it is these people's fault. perhaps not.
sometimes its not even these people. a personal goal, something subconsciously made. reach it, or feel terrible and miserable. do something for yourself for once. but fail in even that.
but the end result?
you have to give and give and give somemore. give their best, they say. do everything you can. what if you can't anymore? what if its too much? even for yourself? even for them?
its not so simple as it seems.
maybe what you did wasn't that great. maybe what you didn't hurts more. maybe the fact that no one accepts it, not them and not even yourself, is what kills.
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