Why should I care?

wow. I never knew a graduation ceremony could be so galling. To just watch it, it made me want to cry, or just leave. Why is it so bitter? I should love the grad. I have every reason to. And I sit there with anger, with bitterness, with regret at my stupid stupid choice.

The decision was made at step one. But I'd already stumbled after the second step. I still kept walking, but it's not enough is it? It's still not enough. If I had known this, maybe I could have let it go. But who's to know?

And now, I just stare at my decision, scoffing at it, jabbing it and criticizing every single aspect of it. All because of that single stumble. And I never knew.

I'm not going emo. I'm just.

exceedingly frustrated with my utter stupidity. My utter ignorance. What a waste. At least this year wasn't so bad.

Maybe, maybe not then. But who cares?

It's over, and one of my greatest goals with it. But who should care?

My family celebrates it, and my teachers don't seem to care too much either.

So why should I?

After all, it's only a stupid thing.

I won't remember it in twenty years.

It's pointless. It's not necessary.

OH. and my personal favorite:

"Your worrying too much about the past, Eric" (My Mom).

And she wonders why I snapped at her.


So why should I care? Does it matter? Should I value such a "pointless" thing? Even after I almost drained myself physically and emotionally to try for it?

Sure, I've "earned" it. But sometimes, de juro is better than de facto. but seriously, why should I care?

It's only a pointless little thing. No one cares about it. I was suprised no one noticed. But that's ok. No one should. or would have.

And so I'll just keep clapping, and putting on that smile. It doesn't matter right?






Why should I care?

So they say.

-sigh-

how can it be Graduation day, and yet how can I be so bitter? so regretful? Unsatisified? Disappointed?

I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm supposed to be happy, to be bouncing around on the last day and being gay w/ mai homies.... but I duno.

It's kinda sad. Three years wasted doing that. Completely. I'm just... regretful now. was it worth it? Probably not they say. Why'd you do it Eric? they ask, and I just run home to cry where no one can see.

It doesn't matter, so they say, and it's not important to the big picture. Oh, ok. sure. whatever, now leave me be, where I can disappear and cry my hurts in long sleepless nights to come.

to be bitter, because I couldn't enjoy the one thing I've been looking forward to all year. To take care of business. To stay on task.

Let me ask. At what point is self sacrifice not worth it? Or is it unlimited? At what point is it good to call enough enough?

But they'll say I didn't do enough.

So they say.

social

fine... larry;s put enough pressure on me to blogg already... >>

well anyway

I WAS SO FRIGGING GAYYYY AT DA SOCIALLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMGOMGOMG IT WAS HILARIOUS LARRY YOUR WAY TOO SHORT TO BE THE GUY HAHAHA I'VE SUDDENLY GOTTEN A TEN SECOND HIGH WAHHOOOOOOOOOO OMG AND MR. JONES GOT EVERYTHING ON CAMERA XDDDD


i be done. but yush. somehow everyone knows that me and larry were totally gay!!! 8DDDDD

but. aside from that, the social was perfectly normal. O=D

omg it was so funny during the set up for the social. supo's running around like "OMGOMG HELP!! DO THIS!! NOWWWW!!!"

and then the lights didn't work really well... and we're like running screaming for the janitor for some maintenance and complex electronics.

THEN.

eric gotz the brilliant deduction!
he discovered THAT:







we forgot to plug the wires into a extension cord. ;D

yayyy I SLOW DANCED WITH KATIEE AGAINNNN that was so fun. <3


and larry and amanders slow danced and
THAT
WAS
TOTALLY
AWESOME
YAY LARRY
GO AMANDERS!

x3
and SOME PPL

didn't let me dance and i was practically hiding half the social so i wouldn't be half poked to deathhh (hmm i wonder who THAT would be) XD

but still.

YAYAYA SOCIAL WAS FUNNNNNN.

and that concludes my hyper-active blog post.

-bows-

I'm posting again!

omggg my poster sucked!!! compared to everyone elses. cuz my was all wrinkly and ewwwey and everyone's else's was perfectly neat and wonderful. mine died. ><""""

BUT. I DIDN'T EPICLY FAIL A THE TRACK MEET 8DDDDDD. and amanders got a gansta pic of me -nods- =3

I was daydreaming in class all of today... it was kinda weird. half dream like.

So, when i got home, I half fell asleep and i ended up dreaming of a really weird thing.

So I was in a long dark hallway. It was made completely of stone, and there were red stains all over walll (don't ask what it was). So i was walking... and I passed seven doors. they were all labeled LA, SS and all my other classes (how nerdy is that....). For some reason, I kicked the spanish door, and I kept walking. Then I came to a beatup metal door with no handle. I push it open, and I close the door. I'm in complete darkness, and I kinda just there meditating and resting. Then, for some reason I start crying uncontrollably, and just walking deeper and deeper into the room and it just got darker. So in the end, I just lay down.

Then I woke up. =P talk about an emo dream.




OMG PRISM NIGHT OUT WAS SO FUNNNNN. ERIC GOT 4TH IN LASER TAG AND WENT ON A GIANT SWING THINGY THAT MADE ERIC SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AND SHOUT "I'M NOT READY TO DIEEEEEEEEEE" XDDD. And then SOME PPLz teamed on me in water bumper boats and competely soaked me through.

oh yea., I crashed my go cart into Ms. Benzy's go cart three times! ^^""" i got kicked off XD